Funny quotes and humor - 55

A good marriage:

Times of India
Obliging Indian  husband, Active India
''When you define a 'good marriage', it is not the question of how long the couple have lived together with love and care  and put up with each others' weakness and strength that counts. The significant factor is how  the husband got along with his better half without getting clobbered  or having black eyes at least on one occasion. That matters most.'' 
Reversing marriage process:

Greg Lewis and his MET e-portfolio Quest -
 '' .... Some couples who have troubled marriage  find it difficult to get out of it. What they do is they imagine  in terms of reversing the marriage process from marital bliss backward to  the Church where they exchanged their rings - meaning taking off their rings and back to square one.  Going reverse is an impossible task roughly equivalent to adult spawning salmon fish  swimming backward to eggs."

How to find out the true nature of a woman?  If you want to try, do the following:
''If you touch her ego and  criticize her, she will be angry,

If you make carping  criticism  of  her family, her status, etc, she will be hurt,

If you find fault with her work on purpose and question her work ethics,  she will be hurt and depressed,

But, if  you tease and pull gags on her powdered face, make-up, her gait and her personality, then  you will really come to know what she is up to. You will see a 'Devil'  emerging out of her body, ready to pounce on you and trash you to  such an extent you will fall flat on the ground. You have to be taken in an emergency ambulance  to  the near-by hospital to fix your broken bones and teeth.''

How do you find out the true nature of a man? If you want to know try the following:
Royalty Free Holiday Toons

''When you criticize him, tease him and make personal comments, he may be upset  and has the ability to deal with them patiently. 
However, you will see a different persona  emerging from him under the following situations: 

Put him in a room where there are wades of currency notes or

Put him in a room where there are beautiful  bewitching women

And,  finally put him in a room where there is a plenty of booze available. Positively, if he is not affected and comes out unscathed, then he is fit to be a hermit in one of the Himalayan caves.''

Clipart Of
Observing people:
Observing people. Whisper
''Do you  know one good reason why we are surrounded by so many people?. God is a great magician and he knows a person can learn various aspects of life on his own  by observing  the people around him. Their glaring mistakes, antics and lose-talk  will help him prepare to face life accordingly using the powerful tool 'discretion'.''
The Fifth Estate - Overblog
 Sperm and politicians:

Sperm reject and old man.Gibbleguts
acatoon G
''According to one  common saying: Regardless of where they live and carry on their profession of public service, politicians are just like a Sperm. Out of a million, one emerges out to be a good human being  with conscience and free from all evils  - corruption, dishonesty. betrayal cheating, etc. He is worthy of emulation and our adoration.''

Sperm Bank and bucks:

A poor man was begging near a 'Sperm Bank'  in a small Indian city.  A well dressed man in his 30s  approached him and asked him, '' Why are you bugging us here? your place is near the  busy commercial bank'' Came the reply, ''What you have said is right, at the bank, customers use the ATM and and  I find it hard to get notes of small  value. Please drop Rs. 10/ or  20/  note. The man said, '' I don't  have change. Then the beggar, being smart said, '' Sir, could you spare your sperm so that I can  use  it at the Sperm Bank next to me and get it converted into rupees.''